"It's just... not something I'd expect," she settles on, shrugging a little awkwardly. There hadn't really been time to dwell on it before, but she's pretty sure there isn't anyone she trusts as much a Alice and Kate, the latter of whom she wants to give the time with her friends. "Not - not missing him, I mean, but how much. I never thought I'd want to go back there, if I got to really be alive again."