[For Nate]

[forhawkeye]

From here.

"That's just how I am," he answered with a playful grin, tugging at her hips until she was straddling his lap again from where he sat on the edge of the bed. He skimmed his hands up the sides of her torso, lifting the edges of her shirt up but only barely, softly over the curve of her breasts to find her neck, fingers carding through her hair, and pulling her down for another kiss.

I instinctively press into his hands as I settle down in his lap, some unintelligible sound escaping me. Mouth opening, I immediately set out to deepen the kiss, my arms wrapped loosely around his shoulders. I pull back after a moment and I say, "Well, then. It's a shame I missed out on Valentine's Day."

Comments

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"It is," he agreed, voice low. He wasn't 100% sure what he was agreeing to, but he had Kate in his lap and nothing seemed disagreeable. Brushing her hair back, he kissed down her throat, a hint of tongue slipping along her skin, as a hand tentatively massaged her breast through the thin shirt.

[forhawkeye]

My head tips back to give him a little bit more, ah, space to work with. This whole thing's a lot different than what I'm used to do, but any thoughts I might have are like a radio stuck between stations, snippets and nothing else.

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

The shirt had to go, he decided. His mouth moved down her neck and stopped to suck at a spot of skin just above her collarbone, not hard enough to leave a mark tomorrow. His hands found the hem of her shirt and tugged upwards, Nate pulling back only to get it over her head.

[forhawkeye]

Even though we're technically inside, Nate's hut definitely lacks in central heating and goosebumps break out on my arms. Not wanting him to feel overdressed, I decide to return the favor, cold fingers seeking out warm skin as I pull his shirt up and over.

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

Now they were getting somewhere and Nate upped the pace. Nate helped her strip his shirt off, then went for her bra, his mouth moving lower over the soft skin of her breasts. He found the clasp but had to fiddle with it before it would come undone.

[forhawkeye]

Bringing my hand behind my back, I'm about to help Nate with my bra when suddenly the lame radio analogy comes back into play. Apparently someone's found the right station and now my brain's practically blasting a freaking PSA. I try to ignore it and focus on the incredibly gorgeous guy I'm currently straddling. Sure, maybe I overcompensate a little by pushing him back onto the bed, but I can just blame it on being in the moment, right? Right?

Oh, God, who are you kidding, Kate?

I ease out of the kiss -- the fantastic kiss, I might add and wow don't I hate myself just a little bit right now -- but I don't pull away just yet. No, I linger for a few seconds, worrying my lower lip between my teeth before I finally just sit up straight. My bra somewhere on the floor, I bring one arm up to cover what he's clearly already seen. Brows furrowing, I offer Nate a tight, apologetic smile before I press my free hand to my mouth.

"I...I can't do this," I say, looking upwards at the questionable roof. "And I swear it's not you because you..." I roll my eyes and force myself to look down at him for this next part. "You are really hot and I like you. A lot. I...like you a lot, actually..." I trail off, somewhat lost for words before I realize that I'm still half-naked and still sitting on top of him.

"...I should go," I add in a rush, moving to stand up.

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

Nate didn't realize something was wrong until she pulled away and covered herself. Up until then he just thought Kate was being a little aggressive, deciding what to do with him. Or to him. And he couldn't complain with that scenario.

He'd known a few girls that were teases, but there was something different about this. The way she couldn't look him in the eye, that really spun him.

He stared dumbly as she spoke, then let her climb off of him, but sat up before she could so much as gather her clothes. "Kate. Kate, are you okay?" He didn't want to stop her from getting her bra on; that just seemed cruel. But this was weird. "What's wrong?"

[forhawkeye]

"I'm fine." Lie. "Really." Bigger lie.

I turn around, my back facing him as I bend down to get my bra. I busy myself with brushing off some probably non-existent dirt before I move to put it back on, clearly stalling for time. I stand there for a long minute before, sighing, I cross my arms -- oh, classic defensive posture, way to go -- and turn around to face him.

"You know how they say this place is, like, a blank slate or whatever?" I ask rhetorically. "Yeah, well, they lied."

I shuffle back towards the bed and sit down next to him, elbows resting on my knees and my hands clasped together as I hunch forward. My hair falls into my eyes but I can't be bothered to brush it away right now. It's like a security blanket.

"Something...happened back home. A bad something. And I thought I was over it but apparently I'm not."

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"...Oh God, Kate." The words tumbled out before he thought better of it, and he reached out to hold her, but thought better of that before he followed through on it. His hand only brushed her back and then he pulled it away, not even sure if she wanted to be touched right now.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't--" Well of course he didn't know, otherwise things would have been different. "..I'm sorry."

[forhawkeye]

"You're only the third person who knows," I tell him, my mouth quirking upwards into a tired sort of smile. "And the only one here, I should add. It's not something I, ah, share." I wave off the apology, shaking my head. "Don't apologize, really. Like...really really. Words cannot describe how much you don't need to apologize."

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

Wow. Talk about trust and responsibility. Not that Nate wasn't used to those things, but it seemed strange to find them here.

"Yeah," he agreed. He wouldn't say sorry again; he knew how that felt. "I just don't know what else to do."

[forhawkeye]

"I'd offer you some advice but I'm just as lost as you are," I admit with a small laugh, stretching forward to make a grab for my shirt. I shake it out before pulling it on. "Honestly, I'm more frustrated than upset. I'm not that person anymore, you know? I'm not someone who gets hurt like that." I smile then and nudge him with my foot, trying to make this a little less awkward. "I totally wasn't kidding about being able to kick your ass, mister."

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

He grinned weakly after a second, realizing what she was trying to do. It wasn't easy to lighten up a conversation after something like that, but she had to try. "I don't doubt it," he said. "I just--" He just what? Didn't know how to make someone feel better in this situation? That was true, but unhelpful.

"I guess I just like you too," he said. "A lot, and... I don't want you to be frustrated or... lost or hurt either."

[forhawkeye]

"Well, you didn't run out of here screaming, 'No, not emotional baggage!'" I point out, clapping my hands to my cheeks in homage to Home Alone. "Which was definitely an option, you know. Good on ya for not taking it."

I slide over on the bed and I rest my head on his shoulder with a sigh. "So...thank you."

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"That's not an option in my book," he said with a faint smile. Thankful that touching was allowed, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a half-hug. "And... you're welcome, I guess."

[forhawkeye]

"I like your book, then," I quip, twisting a little so I can look at his face without dislodging his arm.

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

Nate smiled down at her, then leaned in to give her a light kiss. "You okay now?" he asked. "I mean, right now?" He didn't think she would be completely okay after a short conversation.

[forhawkeye]

"Don't worry, there'll be no waterworks tonight," I assure him with a small laugh. I sober up pretty quickly, though, and I nod just the once. "Yeah, I'm fine."

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"Good," he said. "You can still stay, if you want," he added. Maybe it was a weird thing to suggest, but it felt even weirder to think about showing her to the door any time soon and telling her good night. "Just to sleep."

[forhawkeye]

"...yeah, I think I'd like that," I say after a long moment. "Just to sleep."

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"Good," he said again, grinning faintly at how idiotic he probably sounded. "..It's not the most comfortable bed," he warned with a good-natured smile. "But it's not bad."

[forhawkeye]

"Like mine's any better?" I ask, smirking slightly as I move to stand up. I'm not about to sleep in my jeans, after all. "Besides, I'm sure the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles over there will smooth over any bumps," I add, nodding towards my blanket.

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"There's nothing turtles can't fix," Nate agreed, moving his arm so she could stand up and he could go fetch the blanket.

[forhawkeye]

"Especially ninja ones," I agree, undoing the button of my jeans. After what just happened, it's sort of weird to be taking off my pants, but it's not like Nate's going to try anything. Besides, I'm wearing boycut underwear; I might as well be wearing a swimsuit.

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

It was kind of weird to take his pants off, especially so soon after. Nate took the opportunity of being conveniently turned away from Kate, with the turtle blanket over one shoulder, to take off his jeans and discreetly adjust himself before returning to her and the bed.

"Uh.." Not an interior decorator, Nate had just shoved his bed up against the wall. "Do you want wall-side or door-side?" he asked, trying his best charming smile to make the choice seem kind of desirable.

[forhawkeye]

"Hmm, door-side," I say after a second of mulling it over. I sit on the edge of the bed and push my hair behind my shoulders, waiting for him to join me.

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"Okay." He moved past her as he crawled onto the bed, settling onto his back under the sheet. It was surprisingly hard to do this without, well, trying to be sexy, which he didn't think Kate wanted right now.

[forhawkeye]

Swinging my legs up onto the bed, I settle down beside Nate, pulling up the blanket. The bed really isn't that comfortable, but I've gotten used to my own excuse for bed over the past few weeks so I don't think it'll be that much of a problem. Using my arm as a makeshift pillow, I turn over to face him.

"You're a good man, Charlie Brown," I quip, drawing my legs up to my chest.

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"I have my moments," he said modestly, giving her a small smile. He wasn't perfect, but he was happy he was doing something right here.

[forhawkeye]

Propping myself up on my elbow, I lean over and press a light kiss to his cheek.

"Goodnight," I murmur, settling back down beside him.