[For Nate] 15. Pressure

[forhawkeye]

I was desperate to prove a point and I was convinced that only something dramatic would suffice. That was my reasoning for standing at the top of the big waterfall, my bare toes curling over the edge of the jagged cliff. I'd removed my shoes about fifteen minutes prior, but they were the only article of clothing I'd done away with; otherwise, I was completely dressed, wearing the same outfit as the day before as nothing else had proven suitable.

My arms were rigid at my sides, as I took another glance down at the crashing water below me. I sucked in a deep, shuddering breath, my lungs filling with the cool night air. The vertigo was almost overwhelming. I quickly shut my eyes. I knew that what I was doing was stupid. I knew that what I was doing was reckless. And it was because of that knowledge that I knew I was doing precisely the right thing. Superheroes did stupid, reckless things all the time, after all, and if anything were to convince my friends that I was myself, I imagined this would have to be it.

And if it wasn't, well, I was fresh out of ideas.

Swallowing thickly, I rolled up onto the balls of my feet and held my arms straight out, preparing to dive. I opened my eyes at the last second, about to fling myself clear off the cliff, when a familiar sight caught my attention and I stopped short, swaying dangerously for a second before regaining my balance.

"Nate?" I yelled over the rush of the water.

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[forhawkeye]

As far as plans went, that hadn't been a particularly successful one, I thought, as my feet left the ground. Twisting around so that I might look at him, I said, "I'm just...trying to act normally. I do stuff like this all the time?"

Didn't I?

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"With a reason!" Even though he'd been upset when Kate had announced she'd traipsed out to dinosaur territory, Nate had at least understood that she had a reason to go out there. She wasn't just jumping on dinosaurs for the hell of it.

"You're a superhero. You do reckless things for people. Not because you have a death wish or want to prove yourself."

[forhawkeye]

"A death wish?" I echoed, shaking my head vehemently. "It's only thirty feet," I pointed out, though there wasn't much conviction behind the argument. He was right. I knew he was right. These past three days, it felt like he was always right and I was just stumbling around, half-deranged. "I don't want to die."

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, only," Nate echoed, sounding dismissive. The water below didn't look too inviting, and even if Kate had some gold medal in diving this didn't seem like a good idea.

"Kate, the point is, you're not acting like yourself. Now's not the time to be taking chances and being reckless."

[forhawkeye]

"But--" I huffed out a breath, pouting. Turning my head, I looked forlornly back at the water. "I'm trying to act like myself."

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"What you think is yourself," he pointed out. Then sighed. "Look, Kate, just... let it be for right now, okay? This'll all wear off in a couple days and you'll be back to normal." He hoped. "Or you'll be whoever you are now. And there's nothing wrong with that," he said. "It's different, yeah, and we're not used to it, but that doesn't mean you have to change yourself."

[forhawkeye]

Tearing my eyes away from the water, I looked back at Nate, staring into his impossibly perfect face, his full mouth, his windswept hair. A fresh wave of chagrin overtook me in that moment. In trying to prove myself, I'd end up disappointing him even more.

Way to go, Kate.

I suddenly felt incredibly exhausted. Hesitantly, I leaned into him, resting my head against his chest. With a sigh, I murmured, "Take me home?"

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

He didn't like the note of exhaustion in her voice, like she was worn out from trying, and Nate worried that he was being too hard on her, was asking too much of her or the wrong thing entirely. He just didn't know what to do, and cared too much to back off.

"Okay," he said, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "..Do you want me to carry you the whole way?" he asked, keeping his tone light and his smile gently teasing.

[forhawkeye]

Admittedly, the idea held some appeal. Unfortunately, though Nate might have had the classic good looks of Superman, he didn't have the strength and my hut was too far away.

Letting out a small laugh, I said, "I think I can walk."

[throw-it-off.livejournal.com]

"Okay," he said softly, pressing another kiss to her forehead and then one to her lips before setting her down on her own two feet. He stayed close to her though, arm around her waist, not wanting her to stray too far.